Sabotage

I hate the weekends! I always seem to sabotage myself on the weekends. I see the weekends as "fun food times". I know, it's only a matter of changing my outlook, but that is at times easier said than done. Why couldn't I have just been born with a "skinny" gene? LOL
I've been reading a wonderful book about learning to love myself, and I read an amazing quote. It said, I need to challenge what I believe I am, especially the beliefs that limit the expression of my life. (Like how I treat myself with food) If I am constantly treating my body like a garbage disposal, what do I think of myself. Is that an expression of love? Eating crappy food is not a reward, it's a punishment! And It's definitely not an expression of love toward myself. When we love something, we treat it with care.
So, I continue to learn on this journey. I know as I learn to love myself unconditionally, I will take much better care of my body and what I put into it.

Changing Gears

I must confess something, but first apologize for not blogging much lately. Michael and I decided to redo our kitchen cabinets and it has consumed us just a little. I am so glad I am doing this though because  I am able to relate the transformation of my cabinets to my own personal life. It has been amazing! I feel I am being transformed as the cabinets are also transformed.
Now to my confession...I can no longer tolerate this HCG diet. This does not mean however that I am quitting, because I am not! I am only shifting gears to another plan. I am going on a more healthier plan for me. I truly am one who believes every "body" is different and so should be their diet. We are not "one size fits all" by no means! So therefore, neither should our diets be. I want to say however, please don't allow my opinion of the HCG diet effect your decision to try it. We all need to form our own opinions.
I will continue to post what I will be eating so you may follow my progress and continue to witness my weight loss progress.
The plan I will be doing, I have done before and had amazing progress with. I lost 67 pounds before I got pregnant with Toby. It's called Michael Thurman's 6 Week Body Makeover. Some of you may have heard of it. If you want more information on it, just post a comment and I can help you with it.
Tomorrow I will post my meals and explain more about the plan.

Day 19 Admitting To Failure

For the past several days I have had an unexpected, yet pleasant house guest. This is the reason I haven't blogged in several days. When you have guests stay with you, you tend to eat out at some point, or at least we do. I have to admit I cheated several times because of eating out. I do have regrets, of course. But, the beauty of falling is, you get back up! My plan is to get right back on that horse and keep on riding.With the help of my friend, I learned a lot about myself over the past few days. She helped me see why I do some of the things I do.

I must admit, I am scared to get on the scale tomorrow. I don't doubt I have gained so I know it's crack down time for me. Look, we all flub at some point in our diets, don't we? I am willing to be completely transparent and admit I cheated. Before, I used to hide it. The beauty of it is, we learn from it. I must say, I feel miserable right now, not mentally...but physically. I feel like a stuffed pig! I hate that feeling. Thankfully, it will only be temporary! Tomorrow is a new day!

For the sake of my dignity, I wont post what I have been eating the past few days. LOL

Day 16 I'm Melting!

I failed to blog last night due to being sick. Yesterday was my weekly weigh in though and I am happy to report I lost 4.6 pounds for the past week. Then I got up this morning and to my surprise I lost another pound so that takes my grand total to 17 pounds in two weeks. Yay me! I must admit, I was worried after I cheated at the fair but this just goes to show this really is working, but I too have to work it as well. If anyone is considering this diet, I just want to warn you. It's not easy by no means. I have had to mourn the loss of food over the past few weeks. I've have to show extreme disciple when my family was eating my favorite foods. I've done plenty of diets in my life time and quit on almost all of them, only to gain more weight back. I am determined I will not quit this, even though there has been times I wanted to.
Losing this much so fast is only giving me fuel to keep on going. I am so determined to lose the whole 40 pounds in 40 days. My health coach tells me that not many can do that and that most women only lose 25-30 pounds in the 40 days. I tend to be the exception to that! I will set the bar for women on this plan!

I'm not posting my meals for yesterday because it's the same as I usually eat.

Day 14 Cheater Cheater, Funnel Cake Eater!

I was pleased to see I lost another pound. Although, getting on the scale wont be so pleasing tomorrow. I would love to avoid it if I could. Today I showed my human side. Yes, I cheated. I have two moments of weaknesses. I refuse to beat myself up over it though because life does sometimes get in the way. For me today, I was getting in the cabinet for my melba toast and staring back at me was a small piece of candy. I don't know what came over me but I just reached in and grabbed it. This triggered a mini binge that I am not proud of. Then, tonight we went to the fair. I was very good until it was time to leave and everyone was getting funnel cakes. How do you go to the fair and not get a funnel cake? Well, I didn't get one of my own, like I usually do. I only ate a bit of Baileys and a bit of Michaels. Well..I had to even things out ya know...lol Tomorrow, if I gain more than two pounds I will have to do something they call a steak day. It's where I don't eat all day, just take my drops and then at the end of the day I have the biggest piece of steak I can handle. The next day, it's claimed you will take off those gained pounds. The scale will tell all...tomorrow!
I will not bother posting my meals for the day for the sake of my dignity. lol

Day 13 Priorities

I see a pattern happening here. No loss today. It seems I see a loss about every other day now. I am sure it's my body readjusting after a loss. I am not complaining though, at least all this hard work is paying off. I am learning valuable lessons on this journey.
One of them, prioritizing. I am learning where my priorities lie. Even though it is so hard for me to give up food, my number one priority is my health. Losing weight for me isn't just for vanity purposes, even though I want to look good in those jeans. I want to be around for my kids future, I don't want to be the fat mom who is too tired to play with my kids. I want to feel good and have more energy. So, for me, what comes first is eating healthy. When I am tempted to eat something I shouldn't have, all I do is remember how it tasted. I tell myself that food only last a moment, but the pound gained can last much longer.
So, here's what I ate today:

Lunch: Turkey burger  170 cals
            rotel     20 cals
            small apple   55 cals

Dinner: Turkey chili   180 cals
             Melba toast   20 cals
             small apple   55 cals

Today's total calories  500

Getting all my water in each day has been a struggle for me but I managed to get it all in today and I remembered my vitamins.

Day 12 Don't Rush Progress

If it's worth having, then it's worth working and waiting for. Today the scale didn't move. Of course after what I blogged about yesterday, having the fear of the scale, it bothered me. I feel like I am in a hurry. I want to hurry up and get this weight off, get these 40 days over with, even rush my food. Good healthy fresh food takes time to prepare, as well as it takes time to lose weight. I didn't gain it all in a week so why should I expect to lose it all so fast? Patience has never been my strong point. Until someone gave me this diet, I didn't even want to try losing weight anymore. Now I am determined to lose this again. I will get this weight off, but in the timing my body needs, not my mind wants.

So, here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: Egg beaters  25 cals
Lunch: Turkey chili 180 cals
            Melba toast  20 cals
            Strawberry lemon aid 80 cals
Dinner: Chicken salad w/ strawberries  195
             Melba toast  20

Total: 520

Confession: Michael and Bailey ate steak tonight and out of weakness, I had two bites, but it was soooo yummy! LOL

Day 11 Being Motivated By The Scale

Today I woke up to a wonderful surprise. I was down another three pounds. One of those pounds doesn't count though because I regret to admit yesterday I was up a pound. But, I understand I will have my ups and my downs. I am the type of person who has always let my moods be dictated by the scale. If I lose, I am happy. If I gain, look out because momma ain't happy and stay out of her way. On those days I feel sorry for my family.
I have always been scared of the scale. So, before getting on this diet, I decided I wasn't weighing myself anymore. It just wasn't worth the emotional roller coaster I was on. One of the requirements of this diet though is to weigh myself every morning when I wake. This is a challenge for me. Every morning I get on the scale and hold my breath. I'm fearful of what it will say. I know this is a mountain I need to conquer, but as for today, I am happy because of what it said.
So, here is what I ate today:

Lunch: Turkey Taco Salad
           Ground turkey  120 cals
           Lettuce and rotel  35 cals
           Melba toast   20 cals
           strawberry lemon aid   80
Dinner: Turkey burger  170 cals
            stir fry veggies  25 cals
            Melba toast   20 cals
           strawberry lemon aid  80 cals

I failed to get all my water in today so as I said earlier, I fear what the scale will say tomorrow. I know...."let it go Dina". LOL

Day 10 Mourning Away Food

I am ten days into this program and last night I broke down in a moment of weakness and cheated. My daughter was having a sleepover and there was Doritos involved and out of a subconscious habit, I reached into the bag and grabbed a hand full. Once I had them in hand, I broke down and put them into my mouth. I must say, it felt like Heaven..until the second handful, when I suddenly felt overwhelmed with guilt.
This weekend has been so rough for me because I mean hey, it is the weekend you know. We usually eat out or have "fun" foods. They say that when people have gastric bypass surgery they go through a mourning process over food, I do believe that is what I have gone through today. Food has always been my best friend, my comfort. I regret to say I am up a pound but this is all trial and error and I am human, which means I will fall from time to time. But the glory of it all is, I get back up. Today I learned to plan my meals ahead. I wrote down all the food I planned to eat so I could not fail. I only ate what was written down, and no more. I am proud to say I did that! This is a journey and I caused myself to be like this, so it's up to me to fix it.
Here's what I had to eat today:

Breakfast: Egg beaters  25 cals
Lunch:  Shrimp Stir Fry with loads of veggies  115 cals
             Melba toast  20 cals
             Watermelon  60 cals
Dinner: Turkey buger  170 cals
            Rotel     20 cals
            Melba toast 20 cals
            Strawberry lemon aid  80 cals
            (blended strawberries with ice, lemon juice and Stevia)

Todays total Calories   515

Day 9 Drum Roll Please

I know I haven't blogged in the last few days, but here is my final weight loss for last week. Drum roll please...
I lost 10 pounds in the first week! Yes, I am happy to say to it is working. I must admit though, just like with every diet, it isn't easy. Looking back over the last week, I have had many days where I just wanted to quit. Eating just 500 calories a day isn't easy. I have had many excuses as to why I can quit, and be justified in them. But, I keep telling myself, "I got my self into this, I have to get myself out of it". I took a picture on the first day of me to map my progress and I took another one yesterday to compare. Wow, already I can see a difference. My face isn't so much puffy and my hands and feet aren't swollen. So, here's what I ate for today:


Breakfast: Apple  70 cals
Lunch: Minute steak  170
            Broccoli      25 cals
            Melba toast  20 cals

Dinner: Taco salad :
            4 oz Ground turkey 160 cals
             lettuce  15 cals
             rotel   20 cals
             2 melba toasts 40 cals

Total calories: 520 cals

I must admit, today I spoke with my health coach who is helping me on this diet and he said I am not eating enough. Wow! I never thought I would hear those words. My goal now is to be between 500 to 550 calories. This is still a learning adventure for me. I am still determined to lose 40 pounds by my birthday. I now only have 30 to go. Yay!